Debian 18 "Trixie" released

December 8th, 2035

The Debian Project is pleased to announce the official release of Debian 18 (codenamed "Trixie"). This new version of the stable distribution allows the Universal Operating System to live up to its name more than ever, finally adding support for Neural Link Architectures and Quantum-State Toasters, while maintaining full backward compatibility with the Intel 80386.

This release is the result of 11 years, 4 months, and 2 days of development. After the community decision in 2028 to merge the codenames "Trixie", "Forky", and "Rex" into a single, eternal stability cycle, Debian 18 represents the pinnacle of software maturity.

Note to users: Due to the rigorous stability testing required for Debian Stable, the included web browser is Firefox 115 ESR. Users attempting to browse the modern Holo-Web may experience rendering issues with 4D CSS. We recommend installing flatpak-ng for newer applications, though this is technically considered "debugging" software.

New Features

Debian 18 "Trixie" includes various updated software packages, such as:

Linux Kernel 6.1.999-LTS-Final-Final-v2: We have decided that newer kernels move too fast. This kernel has been patched 40,000 times and is now statistically incapable of crashing.
Systemd-AI: The init system has achieved sentience. It will now optimize your boot time by politely asking services to start faster. (Note: `systemctl disable` now requires a debate with the AI).
GNOME 58 (Classic Mode): By default, Debian 18 forces GNOME to render exactly like GNOME 2.32 to avoid confusing users with changes made in the last 25 years.
Xfce 4.22: Development continues at a breakneck pace. The settings menu icon has been moved two pixels to the right.
Apache 2.4.99: Still the best way to serve static HTML.
Perl 6 (Raku): We are still evaluating if this is stable enough for main. It remains in experimental.

Architectural Support

Debian 18 officially supports the following architectures:

32-bit PC (i386) - We will never give this up.
64-bit PC (amd64) - Now considered "Legacy 64-bit".
RISC-V 128-bit (riscv128)
ARM 64-bit (arm64)
Wetware Neural Interface (brain_v1) - Requires non-free firmware blob `firmware-frontal-lobe`.
IBM System/360 (s360) - Re-introduced by popular demand.

The Debian Installer

The installer has been translated into 142 languages, including Klingon, Elvish, and Binary. The text-based ncurses interface remains the default, as graphics are considered a passing fad.

Debian 18 introduces "Jigdo-Holo," a new way to download installation images by manually assembling bits from the cosmic background radiation to save bandwidth.

About Debian

Debian is a free operating system, developed by thousands of volunteers from around the world who collaborate via a mailing list that has been arguing about the definition of "Free Software" since 1993. The project's key strengths are its volunteer base, its dedication to the Debian Social Contract, and its commitment to ensuring your server uptime outlives you.

This release is dedicated to the memory of the floppy-disk package, which was finally removed from the standard install media this morning. It will be missed.

Contact Information

For further information, please visit the Debian web pages at https://www.debian.org/ or send mail to <[email protected]> (PGP Key ID 0xDEADBEEF required).